Goodbyes' Suck

Back in the day, and by that I mean a year ago, K would scream and cry for me when I would drop him off at daycare. It tore at my heart. It also made me long for the days where he would no longer be suffering through separation anxiety. I hated seeing him go through that and I hated having to leave him so I could go to work. Mom guilt at its finest, I tell ya'.

I never wanted him to be okay with me leaving him, but I wanted the anxiety to be over. And it is. He is a very independent 2 year old now, and his longing for mom to stick around a little longer is fading. It is being replaced with the interest in other kids at daycare, the fun crafts he is going to make, and the knowing that he will have a fun day and be well taken care of. And all of that makes me happy and makes me feel better about his day while I am gone. But...

Now instead of trying to extricate myself from surprisingly strong little hands and of cries of "Mom! Mom!", he happily joins in on the fun whilst I easily leave and walk to my car... head hung low just wishing he would yell for his mama one last time. And in case you are wondering, no I do not want my son to cry uncontrollably and experience anxiety. I just selfishly crave the verbal affirmation that he needs me.

Because he is growing up. He is 2!! Seriously, what am I going to do when he gets his driver's license and a car, or goes off to college? I'm not exactly sure what I may do but if you know me this is what YOU should do...lock me up :) Because I just might lose it!

Reasons Why My Son is Laughing

     K is hilarious. He is only 13 months so he isn't cracking jokes yet, but he will. He makes me laugh every day. Even when I am trying to be stern. He knows I am a sucker for his laugh, and he uses it to his advantage. Mark my words. Here are a few reasons why my son is laughing:

1. He farted. From an early age boys think farts are funny. It is the times where he doesn't laugh afterwards that I approach with caution. Admit it. Baby farts are funny; sometimes impressive.

2. The dog stuck his tongue up his nose. Not his own...K's. K likes to get dog kisses. He especially laughs when the dog covers his face and gets all up his nose. Keep in mind it is WWIII when I try to wipe K's nose. But it's A-Okay when the dog does it.

3. He plays a challenging game of "catch the dog by the tail". Haha. This poor dog. I laugh just thinking about it. K likes to stand behind the dog and try to catch the dog's wagging tail. Sometimes he catches it, gets a good grip, and doesn't let go; which causes the dog to turn in circles. Does K let go? No. He hangs on for the ride. When he cannot catch his tail, he will just stand there and let the dog smack him repeatedly in the face. Mind you, the dog weighs 100 pounds...

4. I am trying to correct behavior. This one is my fault. For example, I was getting us ready to leave for the day; me to work and him to his sitter's house. I'm gathering our things and he is being too quiet. I go out to the kitchen and find him in the middle of the floor, covered in water and sitting in a puddle. He is not supposed to play in the dog's bowls and yet he is gleefully swinging an empty bowl around his head. How can you not laugh at that? So I pick him up to go change his clothes, except he is dripping so I am carrying him straight-arm in front of me. He puts his head back and laughs all the way to the bedroom...he knows...

5. My killer dance moves. We have dance parties. Watch out when Billie Jean comes on...just sayin'. ;)

New Beginnings

It's usually the same story. When a new year rolls around everyone makes resolutions, is freshly motivated, and ready to take on the world. The possibilities are endless. The 365 days laid before you are a clean slate. I do not make resolutions. I will not make resolutions this year, either. I am making goals. Goals are not limited to 12/31/whatever the year may be. However, a few of my goals I would like to attain by the end of this year. For me and my little family, I will.


1. Get a "new" car. New to me, anyway. My poor car. I bought it brand new when I was 18. My first big purchase! So I have had it for a few years ::wink wink::. It is time to invest in something else...with four doors. I have another year of rear-facing my son in his car seat. Two doors do not bode well with that. K is my car buddy. We deserve something fresh and "new". I already have my eye on a car, so this goal could be met very soon. And I am excited!

2. Have a decent amount of money sacked away for a house. This one I am really excited about. Thankfully my parents are on board with me regarding this goal, and are being very welcoming with their home. I am very grateful that I will not be putting my hard-earned money into rent. K and I will have a house that will be our home. For that, I am motivated.

3. Get inducted into an honor society. This is a personal goal. If I keep it up I can reach this goal in June. I have 3 years of school left so I will have to keep working hard to maintain my GPA after/should I get inducted. For that, I am motivated.

4. Be money smart. This isn't really a goal; it is more of a mindset that will help me achieve my other goals. I think about all of those coupons that expired and laid dying in the bottom of my purse, and I realize, it actually does add up. So throughout the year I will be aware of my spending. I will pay cash for gas, use coupons, pack a lunch for work, buy in bulk, etc. All of the little things will help me gain a large thing. If you have any ideas that can help me cut unnecessary spending, feel free to leave them in the comments! I am always open to suggestions.

Happy New Year and good luck with your resolutions!!!!

'Tis the season...

...to be sneaky. Not really. I need to work on my Santa skills. My son is a smart cookie. As he gets older, he will probably question how Santa has the time to carefully arrange the presents under the tree so that the size of the presents are in descending order and no alike wrapped presents are touching one another. That is, if my son chooses to believe in Santa Claus. I have decided I am just going to wing it. "How?" you ask. I don't know. I'm just going to wing that, too.

...to be crafty. Once again, Pinterest has made an impact on my creativity. I present to you an ornament containing my son's hospital hat and wrist band from the day he was born; carefully preserved in clear glass.

...to be thankful. I celebrated Christmas Eve with family. I celebrated Christmas Day with family. I am celebrating the day after Christmas with family. If it weren't for my little family (Me and Baby K) and my bigger family (everyone else, not limited to blood relation), I do not know where I would be. I am thankful and recognize how very blessed I am. This is one of the choices that I mentioned that I make every day. It is very easy to allow life and every day stress wear you down. It is very easy to focus on the negative so that our complaints are justified. It is very easy to allow others' bad moods affect our own. I have no room in my life for negativity. It won't be sunshine and rainbows every day, but it isn't a bad goal to shoot for. Besides, looking back it appears I don't know how to take the easy way out to begin with. :)

     From my little and big family to yours- Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! And may God bless you as much as he has me.

What's in a name?

     For those of you who read these ramblings of my experiences in motherhood, I have changed the name of my blog to encompass some changes in my life. The new name has a very simple meaning. Let's break it down into two parts, shall we?

     "Single Mom". I assume that my readers are smart. The phrase itself is easy to understand; the life of a single mother is not. Being a single mom is hard work, just like for any parent. This single mom battles frustration, exhaustion, loneliness, financial strain, mom-guilt, etc. But, I embrace the pride that follows a successful day. I relish the hugs and random drool kisses. I wake up every day and make the choice to be strong, courageous, determined, thankful, and positive. That is a lot of choices to make when you are barely awake and your son is performing a ballet of "trust falls" and rail jumps in his crib at 6 a.m. when he should be sleeping. But, oh, that laugh of his. Music. His happy demeanor, thriving development, awesome health, and how he falls into an easy sleep are proof enough to me that I am rocking this mom thing :)

     "Double Shot". I know what you are thinking. Bring me ALL the alcohol!!! But that isn't the case or the meaning here. When I say "double shot" I mean, when I screw up I'm calling mulligan...until I get it right. And if I never get it right then it will be fine the way it is. I am not perfect. I will screw up. I get that. Besides, this mindset helps me battle the pressure of being a single mom and the scrutiny that it entails. And if that doesn't work...well, then line up the shooters and bring on the chocolate milk. Mama had a rough day :)

You know you're a...

I thought this would be a fun list. And I am sure the majority of you will relate. I call it "You know you're a mom/ grown-up when...".

Let's get started, shall we?

You know you're a mom/ grown-up when...

1. You get excited to see a parenting magazine in the mail instead of the latest Cosmo.

2. The only bottle you are willing and able to pass around is full of formula.

3. You used to be able to go for days on just a few hours sleep. Now you need days worth of sleep to make it a few hours.

4. A sloppy, drool kiss from a boy makes your day instead of ruins it.

5. Saturday nights are spent at home playing peek-a-boo instead of going out to meet-a-boo.

6. No matter how much you try to avoid mom hair, you look in a mirror a week later and realize things haven't changed, moved, or been brushed.

7. When you hear a crying baby you run towards it, not away from it.

8. Diaper commercials make you tear up. I do feel pretty, oh, so pretty. (This commercial makes me think of Kendrick when he wakes up in the morning. He grins huge!)

9. and lastly, you feel no shame in going to bed before 9 p.m.

Feel free to add yours to list! I appreciate humor :)

Happy Birthday to Me?

     Well, it finally happened to me. I turned 30 years old yesterday. I tried avoiding it but the universe didn't get my memo. Oh well.

     Looking back on this last year I am amazed, proud, blown away. I thought I would be horribly sad to be leaving my twenties. Does it suck? Yeah. But not too bad.

     During my last year in my twenties I had my little munchkin. My mom was 29 when she had me. It is a pretty awesome way to go out. I was born at 4:46 a.m. on May 29. (I am beginning to think the number 29 may have some significance). At 4:46 on the morning of my birthday, I was feeding my son. Ironic, huh? I finally started chasing my dream of going to college. Which is going great so far! And I am creating a home life that I have always wanted. See why it is so hard to let go of being 29?

     These last thirty years have been fun, exhausting, strengthening, and all together amazing. Looking at Kendrick, I often wonder how I got as far as I did without him. Or anyone in my life for that matter. I know I wouldn't make it now knowing what I have, and would be without.

     So I look forward to these next thirty years. They will be full of love, anticipation, excitement, and probably a fair share of annoyance from Nick! I can say that because he doesn't read these posts. I kid, but seriously.

     Thank you to everyone for the beautiful birthday wishes, your unrelenting support, and begrudgingly admitted love ;)

Awwwww, baby vomit!!

     Once in a while I like to do a recap on where I am in this significant journey we call mommy hood. I was thinking about how much my life has changed, how much my perspective has changed, and how gross babies really are...unless they are yours. Then boogers are cute.

     I gave up on sleep, and doing my hair. Make up on my face is a long lost dream. I had been trying to paint my toes for two weeks. Finally got that done. How bad is it that I felt a huge sense of accomplishment once the paint dried...on my toes, and carpet, and crib skirt? If you knew to look for it, you would see a pink trail from my living room couch into my son's room. So much for that nap.

Here are some more of my favorite things so far:

1. I laugh at throw up. And myself. And me covered in throw up. Because of this I have a burp cloth in every nook and cranny in the house. We were having a snuggle fest about two months back. While laying in the middle of our king-size bed, I was on my back with Kendrick on me tummy to tummy. He likes this because he can drool on my face better. We were playing and laughing, and he burped in my face. We chuckled.
     He then proceeded to throw up all over my chest. I was in a tank top. And I couldn't help but laugh when the most glorious grin spread across his face and he started laughing so hard he was shaking my stomach. So I found myself in a predicament- middle of the bed, on my back covered in throw up, gross baby, and nothing to clean him or me up with.
     I gingerly roll him off of me, let him lay there and laugh. I began the slow, agonizing journey of scooting toward the edge of the bed...on my back. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a laundry basket full of clothes sitting next to my wall. Eureka!! I get close to the edge, stick out my foot, and snag a tank top with my toes. I figured I came this far, why not make it fancy and flip the tank top up to the bed and catch it! Success. I managed to clean up the mess without getting any on the bed. Ninja-mom skills.

2. Silly me! The butter doesn't go in the dishwasher. You do funny things when you are tired. Or beyond tired. Or in a zombie state of sleep deprivation. I am usually sharp. On top of my game. Not so much anymore.
     Nick usually makes the coffee in the morning because he starts work sooner. One morning I was up making a bottle, and being the semi-awesome girlfriend that I am, chose to make the coffee so he could lay in bed a few extra minutes. Got it all together; all that was left was adding the coffee grounds. So naturally I grabbed the formula and started scooping it in. Mmm.
     While cleaning the kitchen, I have put the toaster in the refrigerator and the butter in the dishwasher. Yup. I think Nick looks forward to hearing me start cracking up randomly because he knows he is about to hear something good!

3. Mom brain. There is no cure. But it is a great excuse. Don't really have to explain this one. Mom brain is a convenient thing if you have done something stupid or forgetful and need to displace blame.

4. No matter how crappy a day or week has been, I have my boys and they have me. Sometimes, I even get flowers out of the deal. Kendrick went flower shopping with Grandma B. He waited until they were in the car to pick mine out. And by that I mean, he reached over to the planter on the seat next to him and disembodied some petunias on the trip home :) Luckily, Dad got me roses too because that poor petunia didn't last very long!