Goodbyes' Suck

Back in the day, and by that I mean a year ago, K would scream and cry for me when I would drop him off at daycare. It tore at my heart. It also made me long for the days where he would no longer be suffering through separation anxiety. I hated seeing him go through that and I hated having to leave him so I could go to work. Mom guilt at its finest, I tell ya'.

I never wanted him to be okay with me leaving him, but I wanted the anxiety to be over. And it is. He is a very independent 2 year old now, and his longing for mom to stick around a little longer is fading. It is being replaced with the interest in other kids at daycare, the fun crafts he is going to make, and the knowing that he will have a fun day and be well taken care of. And all of that makes me happy and makes me feel better about his day while I am gone. But...

Now instead of trying to extricate myself from surprisingly strong little hands and of cries of "Mom! Mom!", he happily joins in on the fun whilst I easily leave and walk to my car... head hung low just wishing he would yell for his mama one last time. And in case you are wondering, no I do not want my son to cry uncontrollably and experience anxiety. I just selfishly crave the verbal affirmation that he needs me.

Because he is growing up. He is 2!! Seriously, what am I going to do when he gets his driver's license and a car, or goes off to college? I'm not exactly sure what I may do but if you know me this is what YOU should do...lock me up :) Because I just might lose it!

'Tis the season...

...to be sneaky. Not really. I need to work on my Santa skills. My son is a smart cookie. As he gets older, he will probably question how Santa has the time to carefully arrange the presents under the tree so that the size of the presents are in descending order and no alike wrapped presents are touching one another. That is, if my son chooses to believe in Santa Claus. I have decided I am just going to wing it. "How?" you ask. I don't know. I'm just going to wing that, too.

...to be crafty. Once again, Pinterest has made an impact on my creativity. I present to you an ornament containing my son's hospital hat and wrist band from the day he was born; carefully preserved in clear glass.

...to be thankful. I celebrated Christmas Eve with family. I celebrated Christmas Day with family. I am celebrating the day after Christmas with family. If it weren't for my little family (Me and Baby K) and my bigger family (everyone else, not limited to blood relation), I do not know where I would be. I am thankful and recognize how very blessed I am. This is one of the choices that I mentioned that I make every day. It is very easy to allow life and every day stress wear you down. It is very easy to focus on the negative so that our complaints are justified. It is very easy to allow others' bad moods affect our own. I have no room in my life for negativity. It won't be sunshine and rainbows every day, but it isn't a bad goal to shoot for. Besides, looking back it appears I don't know how to take the easy way out to begin with. :)

     From my little and big family to yours- Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! And may God bless you as much as he has me.

You know you're a...

I thought this would be a fun list. And I am sure the majority of you will relate. I call it "You know you're a mom/ grown-up when...".

Let's get started, shall we?

You know you're a mom/ grown-up when...

1. You get excited to see a parenting magazine in the mail instead of the latest Cosmo.

2. The only bottle you are willing and able to pass around is full of formula.

3. You used to be able to go for days on just a few hours sleep. Now you need days worth of sleep to make it a few hours.

4. A sloppy, drool kiss from a boy makes your day instead of ruins it.

5. Saturday nights are spent at home playing peek-a-boo instead of going out to meet-a-boo.

6. No matter how much you try to avoid mom hair, you look in a mirror a week later and realize things haven't changed, moved, or been brushed.

7. When you hear a crying baby you run towards it, not away from it.

8. Diaper commercials make you tear up. I do feel pretty, oh, so pretty. (This commercial makes me think of Kendrick when he wakes up in the morning. He grins huge!)

9. and lastly, you feel no shame in going to bed before 9 p.m.

Feel free to add yours to list! I appreciate humor :)

You're sucking the fun out of it!

     Whatever happened to letting kids be kids?
   
      I am a competitive person by nature, but when an extra-curricular activity or interest starts feeling like a job, then you are doing it wrong; or teaching it wrong. It's different if a child wants to try out for a sport, band, or school play. Practice, practice, practice! But, constructively criticize instead of picking them apart.

     I say this because just recently I took my nephew to his swim class. It was the third class in the series. I sat next to a mom and her dad. She had a child in the same level of the class as my nephew. During the entire 30 minute class they did nothing but pick apart the efforts of her kid. Apparently after your third class you should have the ability to out swim Michael Phelps, have perfect form, and be able to hold your breath for 5 minutes at a time. So after 30 minutes of picking this child apart, they said "Good job, buddy! It was perfect!" and that was all. They moved on to dinner plans. I roll my eyes.

     First off, unclench. You can't expect that much out of a 9 year old kid after his third class. It's ridiculous. Parents are often the reason a child gives up on something that started out as fun, and new to learn.

     Secondly, don't lie to the kid. What is he learning? They had no problem criticizing him when he was out of earshot, but when it came time to do it constructively they had nothing to say. The lesson doesn't stop when he gets out of the pool.

     And lastly, yes I am judging them. I didn't hide my side eye look from them either. Frankly, I don't care. I'm sure my parenting style will be judged constantly. But I will not be the reason my child gives up on something he was excited about or interested in.

    

I Am My Mother

The phrase "I will never be like you" is probably the most uttered during adolescent years. I know I have said it. I'm sure you have, too. What is so horrible about being like our parents? If you were blessed, like me, you were given great parents, a loving home, and just enough dysfunction to give you a sense of humor. So why did I say those words? Ignorance. 

There are two things in life that will make you look back on those years full of raging, teenage hormones and make you shake your head: Maturity and having your own child. One or the other will do the trick, but if you experience both you might as well add a head scratch to that shake. 

My 4.5 month old son has a new game and the rules consist of this: he pretends to cry and I have to give him attention and call him a cry baby. The prize is I get to hear his amazing laugh. Until I look away. Then the game starts over. The other day we were playing this very complicated game when I jokingly said, "I will give you something to cry about." I had to catch myself from looking around the room for my mom. That got me thinking of other similarities we have. We cry when we laugh, and we both hate grocery shopping with a passion. We put our families first and there is nothing we wouldn't do for them. 

Being like my mother isn't so bad. Just stop me when I start snorting when I laugh.

It takes a village...

...or a Facebook group.

I wrote a post and made a joke about how Pinterest may end up raising my child. (Which reminds me that I must check my Pinterest.) At the time I didn't realize how social media or the internet would become such an integral part of my life when it came to raising my son. And not in the WebMD, obsessed way. In the "I have friends online that know what they are talking about" way.

I have always believed the old adage "It takes a village to raise a child". I am lucky enough that I have family and friends that watch Kendrick while his Dad and I are at work. It makes me sad that I miss some new funny thing that he does, but it makes me happy that they get to experience him growing into a fun, little person. But, I digress.

When I was pregnant, I often visited a website for moms and moms-to-be and had the pleasure of making internet mommy friends. Even though they started out as perfect strangers, they helped me keep my sanity, gave me sound advice,  made me laugh, and continue to give me amazing support. I felt like I was part of the Cool Moms Club long before Kendrick got here. We built friendships and eventually a Facebook group, that I will be the first to admit, I am addicted to. I've said it before. It's like match.com for pregnant chicks. Although we are all way past that stage. I love that I have these girls in my life. My online support group for sleep deprived moms!

So my point is this. I received some sound advice to never be afraid to ask for help. If you need it, seek it out. No one knows everything. And if you think you do, you don't know squat. Becoming a mom will teach you that. I was gearing up for taking on any and every challenge of mommyhood. Even though Nick was there to help, I had to learn how to ask for it. So I realize this now. It really does take a village.

My village just happens to be half digital.

So this is where I am...

I have had a few months to reflect back on, and frankly, I am surprised. Things I was ready for I haven't experienced, and have dealt with things I wasn't expecting. And I never thought I would second guess myself so much. But, I am happily bumbling my way through it all. And it has been interesting.

So, from my experience so far, these are things I would like to share.

1. Sleepless nights aren't as horrible as they sound.  Yes, the next day sucks, but you get through it. Whether having a baby was planned or not, you will do anything and everything for them. And if that means walking the halls, singing, bouncing, rocking, and feeling the disappointment of having to start over because he woke up when you put him down... then so be it. We were all helpless at one point in our lives, and thankfully we had someone get us through it. At least that is what I tell myself when sleep deprivation comes lurking.

2. Your inner beast will awaken, and she will be fierce. I knew I was going to be a mama bear, but I never realized how primal I would feel. I feel like I am walking around constantly "armed and ready" even though I know that my son is okay and safe. I fear for the person that wrongly crosses my path.

3. I know it's love because I'm paranoid. I look at my son and along with the positive emotions I get, I get what some would consider negative emotions. Such as, paranoia, protectiveness, and sometimes possessive. Those emotions would undoubtedly ruin any other type of relationship. But when it comes to my son, I feel those "negative" things because I LOVE him.

4. Some women feel that instant bond. Others don't. I didn't. We all hear stories of that moment when the baby is placed on a mother's chest and they feel an instant bond and a glow. I felt none of that. I felt relief first. Relief of the process being over. And I remember thinking "I'm not pregnant anymore". I felt elation and recognition. There was love there of course. He was the son I had been waiting to meet. Lastly, I felt disappointed that I didn't feel that bond some women so fondly speak of. Day one and I already felt like a bad mom. My time spent in the hospital, I searched for it. Through the daze of adrenaline and exhaustion, I knew it was there. It wasn't until a week after he was home that it clicked for me. After greedily eating a meal in my lap, he dozed off into a milk coma, with a sleepy smile. And I cried. I knew it wasn't hormones. This was what I was looking for. That moment when everything I had in my lap nestled in my heart. And it has been growing unabound ever since.

5. My heart is no longer my own. It's true when they say that having a child is choosing to have your heart walk around outside your body. I was on the phone, catching up with my sister, and she asked me what I had been up to. Nothing. Work and taking care of baby are all I do. She jokingly said "I want to know your heart and soul". Without hesitation I said "Well, my soul is laying next to me drinking a bottle". And it was true. I looked down at his handsome face and saw myself. A formula covered, drooling version of myself!

6. Stretch marks are something to be worn. I used to worry about body image, and when I got pregnant I knew I was in for an anatomical revamp. Now I don't mind. My stretch marks are battle scars. Stripes of courage, and badges of honor. I wear them with pride because the reason I got them is worth more than anything I could imagine.

7. My life has been consumed by everything baby. And not in the sense of diaper changes and bottles. He is always at the forefront of my mind. I smile when I pull into the driveway when I have been at work all day. I check on him sleeping and hope he is having sweet baby dreams. I force myself to only text my babysitter once to see how he is doing, because I could easily blow up their phone all day. Some may say I'm obsessed. But how could I not be? Being a mom to him is amazing.

8. There will be no need to hire a clown for birthday parties. I am said clown. It's amazing the ridiculous antics I have been reduced to just to hear him laugh and see his smile. My lack of dancing skills and face contortions are apparently funny to my son.

I could actually go on and on, but I will stop here. After all, it's only been almost 4 months. There will be lots more to talk about!!

How I Met My Little One...A Birth Story

     So what started out as a desired med-free, specifically chosen hospital, naturally started labor turned out to be something completely different. This is a true story. Only the times may have been changed to protect the fact that I still have pregnancy brain.

     I was due Nov. 17. Little one had yet to get off his lazy butt and make an appearance so I went to my ultrasound that was scheduled for 8:15 Monday morning at the hospital across from my doctor’s office (He delivers at two hospitals, my ultrasound was not at the hospital I was registered to give birth at). I took my mom because I thought she would want to see her grandbaby. I’m glad I did. The tech did her thing then went and got a doctor. He came in, asked about my medical history, and said my fluids were low and that they wanted to deliver.

     It took a second to register. When it did, I looked at my mom and said in my head “Holy sh!t! @#$@$%&*%#$@#@$%!!!!!”. What I said was, “Holy crap.”

     So I got settled in my room about noon. I had yet to eat anything because we were going to go out to breakfast. My doctor approved a full, regular diet for me even though I was being induced. I was literally the only person on that floor of the hospital that was allowed that. My doctor liked me. So I ate for the girls that couldn't!

     They put a Foley in around 2 p.m. and I was 4cm by 5:30. They started Pitocin a little while after that and broke my water. Contractions were coming fast, hard, and all in my back. An hour or so in my body kicked in and was having natural contractions on top of that so they turned the Pitocin off. Thank God. Nobody should have to endure a 4 minute contraction. I was still med free at this point.

     Nick was great! Helping me through it all. About two-thirds of the way through I could no longer take the back labor. The words “Billy don’t be a hero” went through my head. I said "epidural!" And I got it. I didn’t even feel it go in. Probably because I had a contraction start right when they put it in. It’s hard to sit really still when you have a needle and a contraction in your back. Silver lining: I wasn’t thinking about the needle. I hate needles.

     I could still feel the contractions through the epidural and extra shot of pain med they gave me. I felt like something was wrong which I voiced to a nurse. I kept insisting they check me.  LO wouldn’t rotate. He was sunny side up. And the way he was laying I was 7cm on one side of my cervix and 10 cm on the other. So they had me on my hands and knees over a bean bag chair for an hour and a half. He finally turned, I finally dilated. Except for a small section. They said I could wait or try and push him past it. I pushed. And we were ready to go.

     I started pushing at 5:55 a.m. Tuesday. He was at -1 and I had him at +2 in two pushes! At 6:18 a.m.  I was holding my handsome, wrinkly, crying baby. And I fell fast and hard in love. I am proud of that 23 minute push. Hoo-rah!!

     Earlier, while laying on the bean bag chair, in what I call the “Tipping Cow Position”, I decided I would start slowing down my epi so I would be more in control during delivery. Delivery didn’t hurt. I got a 2^nd degree tear and one up the top too. Ouch.

     Every time Nick and I talk about the experience he gets a smile and tells me how amazing I was. I’m just proud that I kept my wits about me. I was never more focused in my life. So even though I got induced, pain meds and delivered at a hospital that I didn’t choose, I would do it all over again.

     Kendrick John was 7 lbs. 1 oz. and 18 3/4 in. at birth. At his first appointment, when he was six days old, he weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz and was 20 in. long. I am not going to be able to keep up with this little guy!

If being pregnant has taught me anything...

     I have always been pretty good about being patient. Most of the time. Unless I am super excited about something and have the power to get it myself right away. Being pregnant is way different. For obvious reasons. Apparently, you can't just go out and get a baby at the drop of a hat, and sadly a stork doesn't just drop them off. You have to get through nine months of stuff. Ugh.

     Even though this was an oops pregnancy I have been wanting babies, and dogs, and picket fences. Okay,  maybe just babies and dogs. So once we found out we were pregnant I thought "Awesome! Here we go!" It did not take me long to realize I was not born with the glowing, serenity gene and love of being pregnant. Just thinking of those (lucky) women stirs my third trimester nausea.

     The time has actually flown by. It is everything else making me want to just have this little guy already and get it over with. I am ready. I am waiting. Let's do this. Nine months is a long time to day dream and plan and freak out. I can only get his room ready so many times before it gets ridiculous. Come to think of it, it probably already has.

     I feel as if I just roam the halls of my house and imagine what it is going to be like. I can't count the amount of times I just walk into his room and look around. And if I go through his clothes one more time, I may just call it what it is and become a self-certified creeper.

     My silver lining is this. I have learned patience through being with Nick. He is a handful, in a fun and loving way. My eye sockets hurt some days from the excessive eye rolling. I have learned patience from anxiously awaiting the arrival of our son. I only have two and a half-ish weeks left until I can confirm my suspicion that he is, in fact, the most handsome little man ever. By the time he gets here, I will have the patience of a saint. Maybe then I will acquire that mythical glow I keep hearing about.

     If anything, it will give me time to practice for when he gets old enough and both he and Nick take turns driving me crazy. I look forward to it :)

Pinterest may end up raising my child...

     ...because I have an addiction to pinning.

     Wow! It does feel better to get it out!! Only 11 more steps until I'm cured. I have found some awesome ideas I want to try once the little one gets here. I seriously feel bad for this kid. This is a board that I started on my Pinterest dedicated to my son. I am curious to see if and how some of these tips and tricks work.

     I have an endless list of crafts and DIY I want to do, and absolutely zero motivation to do any of it. I feel like once it is pinned to my board it is finished. His nursery would probably rock if I ever got around to doing it.

     I am hoping to at least curb this addiction so I am not chasing my son around with thumb tacks and post it notes, screaming "But I saw this on Pinterest!!"
 
     I can see it now. One day, he will be cruising the internet on some contraption that his out of touch mother will not understand, and he is going to come across his childhood. All neatly arranged on a virtual cork board. That's right, sweetheart. Your mom is a big, fat cheater.

    

    

   

A bit of solicited advice...

     I am a first time mom (31 weeks and then some along). I like being well informed. What I lack in maternal instinct and common sense, I make up for with reading, asking my doctor questions, and asking for advice from people that have been where I currently am. Which by the way, I refer to the current stage in my life as the "stuffed sausage phase". I feel as if my body could not stretch any further. And bite your tongue if you are sitting there saying "Oh, you just wait!". I know. And if I want to cry because I think I look like a giant blueberry in a Detroit Lions shirt, you best believe I will sob like the best of them :)

     Keep in mind, I love getting advice. Solicited advice that is. I knew how it was going to be with people wanting to tell me how to do things, what to do, where to do it, etc. And I appreciate that people feel the need to help. But I have received some unsolicited advice that made me wonder how some people grew up to be so awesome. While understanding how others didn't.

      So if you are like me, and enjoy helpful tips, reassurances, and the feeling of knowing you are not alone, read on for some advice that I got from some women in my life that know a little more than I do at this point. And if you are passed the "stuffed sausage phase" and well into child raising, enjoy what other moms have contributed, and feel free to add your own!

     "Cherish the moments because time flies." ~everyone I talked to.

     "Never be too busy that you don't take the time to listen to your kids. What they have to say is important to them!" ~Mary E. (my mom) <3
   
      "Don't believe every thing you read. Your child will hold his head up, roll over, sleep all night, crawl, walk and all those wonderful firsts when they are good and ready! Don't freak out or be overly concerned if it's not on that amazing time line some man put together 30 yrs ago." ~Andrea S.

      "Always do what's right for you and your family and don't bother comparing. It will consume you." ~Amber J.

      "Sleep when the baby sleeps when you first come home! You just had a baby and you are going to be tired! The house work can wait until you wake up from naps." ~Michelle V.

      "Be yourself. Don't try to live up to what anyone else expects or says you should be. Motherly instincts are an incredible and real thing and even though you'll never be perfect, you'll be perfect for your child." ~Shelly R.

      "At a young age, if you raise them the right way, in their eyes you could be their Hero. Never take that for granted." ~Nichole M.

      "Communication with your significant other is vital. Don't assume he knows you would like help or need a break. If you want it or need it, ASK! Don't build up resentment because you think you are doing more. Men need to be told. They are horrible mind readers!" ~Megan M.
 
     "I would say don't let the negative things people say about your parenting get to you. Some woman swear by this or that or think you should never do some things. I say, I went through the 9 months and delivery. Let me raise my own children! However....don't hesitate to ask for help/opinions when you need it." ~Jennifer H.

      "Don't over analyze everything. With every situation I would read 2-3 books about it and I wasted so much time and energy. Once you become a mom it all comes naturally. Every day is a different day and you have to figure out how to make it work." ~Jessica H.


     "Anything that takes you 15 minutes now, like getting ready and walking out the door, will take you 45 minutes when you have a baby." ~Trisha S.

     "Sometimes you do have to get away from mommyhood and find yourself again. You will come back rejuvenated." ~Maggie B. 

    

I thought playing outside was free...

     So I was perusing the internet about mommy stuff, which by the way has taken up my life, and I came across this little gem of an article. Now I am not one to judge, but who would pay a woman to sit a block away drinking coffee while your child played unsupervised in Central Park?

     Yes. You read me right. I completely agree that children playing outside for hours at a time is a lost art. Growing up, my mom would kick us out of the house during the summer. We could come in to eat, pee, and nap. That was it. We had shade, a garden hose, unrelenting energy, and an awesome imagination. And somehow an endless supply of slip and slides! We were forced to get creative to have fun and learn how to interact with other kids. We didn't run around causing trouble. Well, most of us didn't. And, hallelujah, we survived adolescence!!! How can that be?!

      But you better believe my mother and every mother on that block knew where we were at all times. There is absolutely no way my mother would let us loose in Central Park unsupervised. Probably for the sake of other people, but that isn't the point.

     While I agree with this woman, and encourage independence, my son will have all the chances in the world to get his energy out on a playground, while I sit back and keep at least one eye on his whereabouts. Look at that! I just saved myself $350 big ones! I think I will treat myself to some new shoes!!